Nose Hair Coughs

541 THC 02 Nose Hair Coughs

Wow, I’ve forgotten how good it feels to re-connect with all of you. It adds pep to each and every day. Not only that, I focus on the great things that are happening in my life, this in turn makes me feel good more often than not. Have I struck upon a way of cognitively therapizing my behaviour? Hmm…If only I could think of a snappy little way of summing this up CTB? (Yeah, therapizing – not a word)


Hey the bus has only just started and we have people jumping aboard. Parp, Parp, welcome aboard Julie Zielaskiewicz and Bill Lindsay.

Last weekend we went to the folks and also on a top secret mission (well not that secret if you look at Lindsay’s status updates – but being the superstitious type I don’t wanna jinx it. I know, a guy with a degree in science who believes in un-repeatable phenomena). My dad who is the king of bargain hunts at the car boot sales (For the North Americans picture a tag sale but loadsa people all doing it out in a field (and paying for the privilege)) had snagged a coupla Micro scooters, Little G and I had great fun going up and down the hill with the aim of trying to use the brake as little as possible. It’s possible to do some tricks on those things too, no handers, jumps (Including no-footers/Indian airs), tailwhip footplants. Little G was pretty good but out of the two of us I think I had more fun.

Where do thunderflies go the rest of the time?

The Marsha Master Unit. By being installed I mean the mother-in-law has come for a visit, and what a relief! I was getting sick of the same sandwiches every day. Two slices of bread, butter, ham and if I’m lucky maybe some mayo or mustard, Wow! (That’s a sarcastic “wow” btw (and for those that don’t know btw is short for “by the way”)). I shouldn’t get so narked at my crappy sandwiches, I’m the one who makes them. But not now, Oh no! Every day a surprise, some beautifully crafted American sandwiches, multiple fillings, sometimes even multiple condiments, created by my Mom. Life at lunch is suddenly great.

And what an injection of energy she is too. I almost feel ashamed I don’t have the same amount of get-up and go as this little Duracell bunny.

Want to hear a strange theory? I can’t remember which podcast I listened to which mentioned this but I can’t stop thinking about it. Everyone knows latin is a dead language right? Not necessarily… When folk say it’s dead they mean no-one still speaks it so we don’t know how it is supposed to sound, We know how it’s written, sure. We still have clay pots that were made during the time the language was spoken. There is a chance that as the pot was being spun, the tool used actually recorded the vibrations of anyone speaking in the room at the time, kinda like a vinyl record. If we can spin the pot at the right speed we could potentially play it like a record. I don’t know why that blows my mind so much, but it does.

Some of you may remember that I was growing horns on my eyebrows and tusks out of my nose. For Christmas however I got some electric nose-hair clippers. Ever tried those suckers? Oh geez, tears stream from my eyes and for some reason I cough like a nutter. My dad always coughs when he cleans his ears out with cotton buds, what is it with us McCormacks that makes us cough when something is stuck in our cranial orifices?

Talking of my Dad, it was his birthday last week. Happy belated borthdee fatha. Julie and I sang a duet on the phone to him. I start, “Happy Birthday to you.”
I hand the phone to Julie and at exactly the right time she sings the next line and we both sing “Grand-dad”/ “Dad” at the right time too. No planning and Julie just hit it like a pro.

“What’s on your T-shirt Julie?”
“Onk, onk”
(peppa pig)

I saw a double high car carrier go around the corner the other day and I was amazed that it didn’t just fall onto the pedestrians on the path the way it was listing. Then I remembered, double-decker buses can lean up to a 70 degree angle before it topples.

I got petarded by last weeks “When the Boat comes in”. It would not leave my head, I couldn’t even flush it out with a bit of Julian Tulk band either!

Rainy day.
Julianna: “We’ll put a cloth under Mummy’s bike. We don’t want it to dwoop dwoop dwoop on the floor”
Classic!

Driving past the park the other day and I see two kids on the swing, synchronised swinging. I thought “how cute” then they both did a backflip off them!! I was flabbergasted. We only used to jump off the swings as kids. Something inside me tells me I COULD do it. The reality of it is I now feel kinda queasy when I sit on Julianna’s pirate ship and get a small push from her. What happened to me? AGE!

Hey, ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought “Geez, I’m looking old!”?? (Some of you won’t have, for example the Dempsey twins, give it time…you will, you will) consider this though: You look absolutely fabulous right now. “What? But if I look in the mirror Mack…”
Woah, Woah, Woh! Think about it, in ten years you will look at a photo of yourself now and think “hey, I didn’t look too bad then!”.
Just tap into that thought on a daily basis.

Julianna inspired to skip by Little G? yep, check the video on my facebook profile.

Is my cousin Lucy’s daughter cute as a button? Yep.
What is her favourite word? “yep” – Brilliant!

Props

Someone wrote:
“I am now an RMN..got my first patient today...Jebus help him!!!”
Jebus help him indeed!

Dominique Delany gave an ego boost:
“Hooray! Have missed your anecdotes.They so make me laugh. Welcome back x”
Welcome back you.

David Oakwood gave us a poem:

“Here is a taster from 'The Blacksmith's Son', my collection.

Wee Willy Winkie

My winkle is wrinkled
beneath the bubble bath
when in walks Dad
swaggering cock sure
digging deep in denim
to unearth a curse
that touches the bowl.
He looks down on me
with a sideways smile
and leaves unflushed.
Shivering I stand pinkly
shrivelling and drip. “

But even better than that, he gave us an alternative headrest theory:

“man driving woman to hospital. heavy with labour, baby decides to come out in transit, man stops car at the side of the road, lays wife down on the back seats but she is too uncomfortable... he removes a head rest to support her head as the baby screams its way into the world... police car passes, calls ambuulance, in all the kerfuffle the head rest falls out of the the passenger door and under vehicle.... baby is not breathing very well and so the new family is blue lighted into hospital and the police tow the car, leaving the head rest in the road...................
Baby is fine now though after a bit of oxygen and a good breast feed... they called him 'Vauxhall'.”

Konrad Bergen also had a headrest theory:

“It was a pink coloured Mini S Cooper(custom seats). The headrest was fully extended, maybe a little beyond its range. The G-force in the round-a-bout was a little more than the headrest could handle and viola! It flew out of the open window(summer time weather, older Mini, didn't have A/C) and there you have it. Not sure why it was pink.... maybe someone could elaborate a little on that one.”

One slight problem with this one though, the phrase ‘summer time weather’. This happened in England don’t forget.

Special mentions – Paula Bergen and Yogi

And a final question from Jeanne Dempsey:
“OK no mention about my sister and the fab American sandwiches for lunch!! Is she slipping! HaHa!! :)”

Rectified! See above.

Oh, I’ve rambled on far too long to go into the Challenge/Mission of the 541 THC. But there is a clue in those last three letters (not a drug reference).

Oh yeah, a reminder. If you don’t want any replies repeated in the Props section let me know when you write them otherwise you are implicitly agreeing it can be fodder.

Have a Great Week,
The Daddy Mack


New Modem, Apologies for the delay

The Mack’s Additional to English Dictionary

Petarding / Petarded – Common usage: “I’ve been petarded by that song” or “that song is petarding me” (classic example “hey Mickey your so fine, your so fine, you blow my mind..hey Mickey, hey Mickey” – now try getting that outta yer head! Also “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds (theme tune to the first season of “weeds” – top-notch TV show). Linds and I were petarded by this song for weeks)

History: I once stayed at Glen’s when he was chef-ing in Hook, Hampshire. We watched a few Family Guy shows and the next day I could not get the phrase “hoisted by my own petard” out of my head. I was gardening and all I could hear going round and round was Little Stewie’s voice “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”. It quite ruined my peaceful gardening experience that afternoon, I had to get Lindsay’s old discman (yes this was pre-ipod) and purge my brain with punk.