541 THC 04
W/E 21st August 2009
Camel Toe? No, Pigeon Toe.
Five for One – You read, at most, five, then you send me one reply.
All replies to 5014mack@gmail.com or my facebook profile.
One-Line reply – Qualify,
No reply - don’t fly.
THC – The Handkerchief Challenge.
See www.thehandkerchiefchallenge.blogspot.com/ for details on the rules, under the post “The Challenge”
This week I heard a lovely sound while out in my back garden. Was it the song of a thrush? Nope. Was it the voice of a toddler happily chatting herself to sleep? Nope, ‘though that’s pretty darn good. It was the sound of my 60-year old next-door neighbour Jeanne typing in her back room – On a typewriter! Why is that so wonderful? I don’t know, just the idea of someone still using a typewriter today. I quickly got Lindsay to come and listen and she said “she’s typing her memoirs”. My interest is piqued even more now. I would love to read what Jeanne has to write, I wonder if she’ll ever let anyone read them…
So we are still going through what I will only describe as project mayhem, again though, no jinxing, I cannot go into it further.
Julianna has invented an awesome new game that I love. I lie down on the grass in the garden and she runs circles around me, saying “are you dizzy yet?”
“No”
If you can keep that up for a while, you get a rest and she gets a bit of exercise to tire her out before bed – Result!
I’ve got a very important question for all of you aboard the bus – I’ve been reading a book called “The Men Who Wear the Star, The Story of the Texas Rangers” by Charles M. Robinson. While it is very well researched it can just wash over me at times (yeah, I’m listening to it in audiobook format – you actually thought I had time to READ?). I had no idea Texas was a separate country from the rest of the United States. With that in mind, would a handkerchief of the Texas flag be legitimate in this quest? Even though it isn’t a country any longer? I need your help. Am I copping out at the earliest of stages? Would it be legal? If so Mr Konrad Bergen may be the man to start this ball rolling…
Even of not, both Bergens are on the case with a flag-kerchief of their country – represent!
Julie doesn’t say radio it’s “Radi-adio” – presumably that’s in stere-erio, in stereo.
So picture this – You are single, you have never met your partner, you’re maybe a little younger and fancy free. You have been told that some twins of the opposite sex (or same, whatever your preference) are interested in you but you can only pick one. They are identical in everyway, even, for the sake of argument, in personality. One walks slightly pigeon toed (toes in), the other walks with their toes pointed out. Which do you go for?
The sandwich surprise keeps on coming on a daily basis. Subway has nowt on my Ma-in-Law Marsha! They would only offer you one condiment, sometimes I even get two! I know… I know… fantastic!
I’ve been putting in a few early mornings and my brewing padawan Nick has been putting in some seriously late evenings at the brewery. Ahh, double brewing, what a grand old monkey. I have come to the following conclusion though – I hate the shipping forecast! Controversial, I’m aware, but just when you are up for a bit of premium content from BBC Radio 4 you get “Fitzroy – good, German Bight…” GAH!
Ma-in-Law Marsha looked after Julianna on our Gretna-versary (the anniversary of our legal wedding in Gretna Green, not the actual “wedding” in Witney). We went out to celebrate and packed the following into the evening – a meal, a coffee (at a different place to the meal) and a film. It felt like being kids again. It was grand. Ten years eh?
The film was “The Time Traveller’s Wife” and yep, I cried like a baby on more than one occasion. I read the book last year (audiobook) and the year before (paperback – though I didn’t finish it, I found it a little hard at one point. No spoilers here so I’m not gonna say which part.) The film was amazing. It was a little weird (having the book so fresh in my mind) to be able to spot all the bits they missed out.
Some of you may have spotted a Beastie Boys reference in this 541, some of you may not.
Oh yeah, I think I myself am a little pigeon-toed, wait, what would be the singular form of that?
52 to go…
Have a great week,
The Daddy Mack
Saturday 29 August 2009
Hypermiling Thai Mussels
541 THC 03
W/E 15th August 2009
Hypermiling Thai Mussels
“Would it be disrespectful to blow my nose on your nation’s flag?”
That is the question I asked in a shop in Oslo, Norway a few years ago.
This week we’ve been dealing with weasels but not to jinx things I am holding forth on the info flow here. I just have to say my wife is the best negotiator I have ever seen in action!
Marsha (Ma-in-Law) and I went out to celebrate Elena’s birthday at Zero Degrees in Reading on Wednesday. It’s a brewpub that I almost worked for before getting the gig and buying in to The White Horse Brewery.
Okay so I ordered a Thai curry not truly realising it was under the banner of mussels on the menu. I got a pot full of mussels that had Thai curry sauce poured over them. Fantastic! They were awesome. I did wonder at one point if you could eat the barnacles on the side of the mussel shells, like a tasty side-treat.
Any other night I would decline but it was Elena’s birthday and she asked me for a tour of the brewery in the building. I had not seen the brewhouse before but it wasn’t too hard to figure out. What was hard was getting my slightly inebriated tongue around the usual schpiel and my slightly polluted brain to get the order of things right.
Julianna said “you’re a nincompoop” the other day. Where did she get that from?
Heard an interesting podcast the other day about hypermiling. What’s that? It’s all about getting as many miles as you can from each litre (US citizens and pre-decimal Brits change that to gallons) of petrol (diesel/gas). For instance, if you are going to stopped somewhere for longer than 7 seconds (i.e. a traffic light or a drive-thru) you should turn your engine off. One thing it said was you should try not use your brakes and should look ahead at what’s happening way in front of you in traffic. I thought for years my dad was trying to impart his advanced driving skills to me. Now I realise he was actually teaching me frugality.
Our garage got broken into Friday night last week. You know what they stole? No, I don’t either, seems like they didn’t steal anything. Had to buy a coupla new locks though.
I camped out in the tent in the garden on Saturday night, in one respect it was for the neighbourhood watch aspect but mainly I love camping in the garden. Two of my wished for scenarios are as follows:
1) It rains and rains and rains, the tent starts to leak, I have to give up and go inside the house.
2) It gets so cold, I have to give up and go inside the house.
Why? All those years in the Army Cadets when I was cold or wet (or both) and out camping in the middle of nowhere there would be many times I’d wish I could give up and get inside my own bed. I’m just realising the wishes of a past me.
Any action on the burglar front? Fifteen times I heard someone in the garden outside the tent! Or it may have been hedgehogs.
“What have you got there Julianna?”
“My snap crap”
(Snack trap a little pot that has a rubberised lid that is like one of those 1970’s tea-towel holder – quite a good thing to have (a good example of the tea towel holder: www.jonco48.com/blog/Dogend_20towel_20holder_small.jpg and the snack trap www.snacktrap.co.uk/ ))
I borrowed Zoe Heller’s “Notes on a Scandal” audiobook from the library and “read” it the other day on a drive up to Titanic Brewery in Stoke-on-Trent. I was somewhat compelled to read on as it sounded like an afternoon play on Radio 4 (BBC), all plummy British accent and everything sounding frightfully frightful. When I finished it I was left feeling “that’s it?”. Wrong book for me, gimme Scott Sigler any day.
“You’re a he and I’m a she” – Julianna telling me how it is.
Ma-in-Law Marsha works like you wouldn’t believe, her batteries are still tip-top full! I’m running on empty.
So the Mission for the 541 THC (The Handkerchief Challenge)…I left Norway feeling slightly empty and definitely without a Norwegian flag handkerchief.
I know that the government keeps telling us to blow our noses or sneeze on to paper tissues and then dispose of them straight away (Swine-flu n’ that). That seems almost deforestational to me wouldn’t it be better to whip out a British Union Jack flag?
So I’m trying for 52 handkerchiefs, each with a different country’s flag on, and I need your help. We are going old school on this one. I haven’t even looked if it is possible to buy national flag handkerchiefs. That would be far too easy.
So there are some rules to keep this challenge true and forthright (and we all need a bit of that in this day and age don’t we?):
1) Each handkerchief has to be a representation of a single country’s national flag.
2) I cannot buy any handkerchiefs to further the collection. (How convenient eh?)
3) Any handkerchief has to be sent by someone who has been to the country whose flag it is representing OR knows someone who lives there.
(We are running a two degree of separation rule here. I don’t necessarily have to know the person but YOU have to know the person).
4) The handkerchief does not have to be made in the country its flag is representing. (Let’s face it, chances are it’ll be made in China, extra points if it’s a Chinese flag made in Mexico)
5) The handkerchief needs to be photographed by the sender IN the country it is representing (or by the person the sender knows in that country). All pictures (sender holding hanky and me receiving hanky) will be posted at www.thehandkerchiefchallenge.blogspot.com/ and in an album on my facebook profile.
All handkerchiefs are to be sent to
Mack
The White Horse Brewery
3 Ware Road
Stanford-in-the-Vale
SN7 8NY
Props
My Cousin Lora:
“We're off to Algonquin for a week, rented a Ranger's Cabin. The weather has sucked ALL SUMMER, so fingers crossed.”
So it’s not just Britain that has sucky summer weather! Canada too.
Terri Anderson has been clearing out old boxes too:
“The end result was that I spent most of one day listening to such gems as:
Neds
PWEI
Carter USM
Jesus Jones
Wonder Stuff
Chapterhouse
Lush
etc. etc. you get the picture. Also some really not so good things like, oh I dunno, Sultans of Ping. Why did I spend money on that??!”
Why did anyone spend money on that? Now, Where’s me jumper?
I can’t figure out whether I should be proud to say I saw every one of the above bands (bar ..Ping) live or whether I should be ashamed. Nah, Hollocks I’m proud!
Have a Great Week,
The Mack Daddy
W/E 15th August 2009
Hypermiling Thai Mussels
“Would it be disrespectful to blow my nose on your nation’s flag?”
That is the question I asked in a shop in Oslo, Norway a few years ago.
This week we’ve been dealing with weasels but not to jinx things I am holding forth on the info flow here. I just have to say my wife is the best negotiator I have ever seen in action!
Marsha (Ma-in-Law) and I went out to celebrate Elena’s birthday at Zero Degrees in Reading on Wednesday. It’s a brewpub that I almost worked for before getting the gig and buying in to The White Horse Brewery.
Okay so I ordered a Thai curry not truly realising it was under the banner of mussels on the menu. I got a pot full of mussels that had Thai curry sauce poured over them. Fantastic! They were awesome. I did wonder at one point if you could eat the barnacles on the side of the mussel shells, like a tasty side-treat.
Any other night I would decline but it was Elena’s birthday and she asked me for a tour of the brewery in the building. I had not seen the brewhouse before but it wasn’t too hard to figure out. What was hard was getting my slightly inebriated tongue around the usual schpiel and my slightly polluted brain to get the order of things right.
Julianna said “you’re a nincompoop” the other day. Where did she get that from?
Heard an interesting podcast the other day about hypermiling. What’s that? It’s all about getting as many miles as you can from each litre (US citizens and pre-decimal Brits change that to gallons) of petrol (diesel/gas). For instance, if you are going to stopped somewhere for longer than 7 seconds (i.e. a traffic light or a drive-thru) you should turn your engine off. One thing it said was you should try not use your brakes and should look ahead at what’s happening way in front of you in traffic. I thought for years my dad was trying to impart his advanced driving skills to me. Now I realise he was actually teaching me frugality.
Our garage got broken into Friday night last week. You know what they stole? No, I don’t either, seems like they didn’t steal anything. Had to buy a coupla new locks though.
I camped out in the tent in the garden on Saturday night, in one respect it was for the neighbourhood watch aspect but mainly I love camping in the garden. Two of my wished for scenarios are as follows:
1) It rains and rains and rains, the tent starts to leak, I have to give up and go inside the house.
2) It gets so cold, I have to give up and go inside the house.
Why? All those years in the Army Cadets when I was cold or wet (or both) and out camping in the middle of nowhere there would be many times I’d wish I could give up and get inside my own bed. I’m just realising the wishes of a past me.
Any action on the burglar front? Fifteen times I heard someone in the garden outside the tent! Or it may have been hedgehogs.
“What have you got there Julianna?”
“My snap crap”
(Snack trap a little pot that has a rubberised lid that is like one of those 1970’s tea-towel holder – quite a good thing to have (a good example of the tea towel holder: www.jonco48.com/blog/Dogend_20towel_20holder_small.jpg and the snack trap www.snacktrap.co.uk/ ))
I borrowed Zoe Heller’s “Notes on a Scandal” audiobook from the library and “read” it the other day on a drive up to Titanic Brewery in Stoke-on-Trent. I was somewhat compelled to read on as it sounded like an afternoon play on Radio 4 (BBC), all plummy British accent and everything sounding frightfully frightful. When I finished it I was left feeling “that’s it?”. Wrong book for me, gimme Scott Sigler any day.
“You’re a he and I’m a she” – Julianna telling me how it is.
Ma-in-Law Marsha works like you wouldn’t believe, her batteries are still tip-top full! I’m running on empty.
So the Mission for the 541 THC (The Handkerchief Challenge)…I left Norway feeling slightly empty and definitely without a Norwegian flag handkerchief.
I know that the government keeps telling us to blow our noses or sneeze on to paper tissues and then dispose of them straight away (Swine-flu n’ that). That seems almost deforestational to me wouldn’t it be better to whip out a British Union Jack flag?
So I’m trying for 52 handkerchiefs, each with a different country’s flag on, and I need your help. We are going old school on this one. I haven’t even looked if it is possible to buy national flag handkerchiefs. That would be far too easy.
So there are some rules to keep this challenge true and forthright (and we all need a bit of that in this day and age don’t we?):
1) Each handkerchief has to be a representation of a single country’s national flag.
2) I cannot buy any handkerchiefs to further the collection. (How convenient eh?)
3) Any handkerchief has to be sent by someone who has been to the country whose flag it is representing OR knows someone who lives there.
(We are running a two degree of separation rule here. I don’t necessarily have to know the person but YOU have to know the person).
4) The handkerchief does not have to be made in the country its flag is representing. (Let’s face it, chances are it’ll be made in China, extra points if it’s a Chinese flag made in Mexico)
5) The handkerchief needs to be photographed by the sender IN the country it is representing (or by the person the sender knows in that country). All pictures (sender holding hanky and me receiving hanky) will be posted at www.thehandkerchiefchallenge.blogspot.com/ and in an album on my facebook profile.
All handkerchiefs are to be sent to
Mack
The White Horse Brewery
3 Ware Road
Stanford-in-the-Vale
SN7 8NY
Props
My Cousin Lora:
“We're off to Algonquin for a week, rented a Ranger's Cabin. The weather has sucked ALL SUMMER, so fingers crossed.”
So it’s not just Britain that has sucky summer weather! Canada too.
Terri Anderson has been clearing out old boxes too:
“The end result was that I spent most of one day listening to such gems as:
Neds
PWEI
Carter USM
Jesus Jones
Wonder Stuff
Chapterhouse
Lush
etc. etc. you get the picture. Also some really not so good things like, oh I dunno, Sultans of Ping. Why did I spend money on that??!”
Why did anyone spend money on that? Now, Where’s me jumper?
I can’t figure out whether I should be proud to say I saw every one of the above bands (bar ..Ping) live or whether I should be ashamed. Nah, Hollocks I’m proud!
Have a Great Week,
The Mack Daddy
Nose Hair Coughs
541 THC 02 Nose Hair Coughs
Wow, I’ve forgotten how good it feels to re-connect with all of you. It adds pep to each and every day. Not only that, I focus on the great things that are happening in my life, this in turn makes me feel good more often than not. Have I struck upon a way of cognitively therapizing my behaviour? Hmm…If only I could think of a snappy little way of summing this up CTB? (Yeah, therapizing – not a word)
Hey the bus has only just started and we have people jumping aboard. Parp, Parp, welcome aboard Julie Zielaskiewicz and Bill Lindsay.
Last weekend we went to the folks and also on a top secret mission (well not that secret if you look at Lindsay’s status updates – but being the superstitious type I don’t wanna jinx it. I know, a guy with a degree in science who believes in un-repeatable phenomena). My dad who is the king of bargain hunts at the car boot sales (For the North Americans picture a tag sale but loadsa people all doing it out in a field (and paying for the privilege)) had snagged a coupla Micro scooters, Little G and I had great fun going up and down the hill with the aim of trying to use the brake as little as possible. It’s possible to do some tricks on those things too, no handers, jumps (Including no-footers/Indian airs), tailwhip footplants. Little G was pretty good but out of the two of us I think I had more fun.
Where do thunderflies go the rest of the time?
The Marsha Master Unit. By being installed I mean the mother-in-law has come for a visit, and what a relief! I was getting sick of the same sandwiches every day. Two slices of bread, butter, ham and if I’m lucky maybe some mayo or mustard, Wow! (That’s a sarcastic “wow” btw (and for those that don’t know btw is short for “by the way”)). I shouldn’t get so narked at my crappy sandwiches, I’m the one who makes them. But not now, Oh no! Every day a surprise, some beautifully crafted American sandwiches, multiple fillings, sometimes even multiple condiments, created by my Mom. Life at lunch is suddenly great.
And what an injection of energy she is too. I almost feel ashamed I don’t have the same amount of get-up and go as this little Duracell bunny.
Want to hear a strange theory? I can’t remember which podcast I listened to which mentioned this but I can’t stop thinking about it. Everyone knows latin is a dead language right? Not necessarily… When folk say it’s dead they mean no-one still speaks it so we don’t know how it is supposed to sound, We know how it’s written, sure. We still have clay pots that were made during the time the language was spoken. There is a chance that as the pot was being spun, the tool used actually recorded the vibrations of anyone speaking in the room at the time, kinda like a vinyl record. If we can spin the pot at the right speed we could potentially play it like a record. I don’t know why that blows my mind so much, but it does.
Some of you may remember that I was growing horns on my eyebrows and tusks out of my nose. For Christmas however I got some electric nose-hair clippers. Ever tried those suckers? Oh geez, tears stream from my eyes and for some reason I cough like a nutter. My dad always coughs when he cleans his ears out with cotton buds, what is it with us McCormacks that makes us cough when something is stuck in our cranial orifices?
Talking of my Dad, it was his birthday last week. Happy belated borthdee fatha. Julie and I sang a duet on the phone to him. I start, “Happy Birthday to you.”
I hand the phone to Julie and at exactly the right time she sings the next line and we both sing “Grand-dad”/ “Dad” at the right time too. No planning and Julie just hit it like a pro.
“What’s on your T-shirt Julie?”
“Onk, onk”
(peppa pig)
I saw a double high car carrier go around the corner the other day and I was amazed that it didn’t just fall onto the pedestrians on the path the way it was listing. Then I remembered, double-decker buses can lean up to a 70 degree angle before it topples.
I got petarded by last weeks “When the Boat comes in”. It would not leave my head, I couldn’t even flush it out with a bit of Julian Tulk band either!
Rainy day.
Julianna: “We’ll put a cloth under Mummy’s bike. We don’t want it to dwoop dwoop dwoop on the floor”
Classic!
Driving past the park the other day and I see two kids on the swing, synchronised swinging. I thought “how cute” then they both did a backflip off them!! I was flabbergasted. We only used to jump off the swings as kids. Something inside me tells me I COULD do it. The reality of it is I now feel kinda queasy when I sit on Julianna’s pirate ship and get a small push from her. What happened to me? AGE!
Hey, ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought “Geez, I’m looking old!”?? (Some of you won’t have, for example the Dempsey twins, give it time…you will, you will) consider this though: You look absolutely fabulous right now. “What? But if I look in the mirror Mack…”
Woah, Woah, Woh! Think about it, in ten years you will look at a photo of yourself now and think “hey, I didn’t look too bad then!”.
Just tap into that thought on a daily basis.
Julianna inspired to skip by Little G? yep, check the video on my facebook profile.
Is my cousin Lucy’s daughter cute as a button? Yep.
What is her favourite word? “yep” – Brilliant!
Props
Someone wrote:
“I am now an RMN..got my first patient today...Jebus help him!!!”
Jebus help him indeed!
Dominique Delany gave an ego boost:
“Hooray! Have missed your anecdotes.They so make me laugh. Welcome back x”
Welcome back you.
David Oakwood gave us a poem:
“Here is a taster from 'The Blacksmith's Son', my collection.
Wee Willy Winkie
My winkle is wrinkled
beneath the bubble bath
when in walks Dad
swaggering cock sure
digging deep in denim
to unearth a curse
that touches the bowl.
He looks down on me
with a sideways smile
and leaves unflushed.
Shivering I stand pinkly
shrivelling and drip. “
But even better than that, he gave us an alternative headrest theory:
“man driving woman to hospital. heavy with labour, baby decides to come out in transit, man stops car at the side of the road, lays wife down on the back seats but she is too uncomfortable... he removes a head rest to support her head as the baby screams its way into the world... police car passes, calls ambuulance, in all the kerfuffle the head rest falls out of the the passenger door and under vehicle.... baby is not breathing very well and so the new family is blue lighted into hospital and the police tow the car, leaving the head rest in the road...................
Baby is fine now though after a bit of oxygen and a good breast feed... they called him 'Vauxhall'.”
Konrad Bergen also had a headrest theory:
“It was a pink coloured Mini S Cooper(custom seats). The headrest was fully extended, maybe a little beyond its range. The G-force in the round-a-bout was a little more than the headrest could handle and viola! It flew out of the open window(summer time weather, older Mini, didn't have A/C) and there you have it. Not sure why it was pink.... maybe someone could elaborate a little on that one.”
One slight problem with this one though, the phrase ‘summer time weather’. This happened in England don’t forget.
Special mentions – Paula Bergen and Yogi
And a final question from Jeanne Dempsey:
“OK no mention about my sister and the fab American sandwiches for lunch!! Is she slipping! HaHa!! :)”
Rectified! See above.
Oh, I’ve rambled on far too long to go into the Challenge/Mission of the 541 THC. But there is a clue in those last three letters (not a drug reference).
Oh yeah, a reminder. If you don’t want any replies repeated in the Props section let me know when you write them otherwise you are implicitly agreeing it can be fodder.
Have a Great Week,
The Daddy Mack
New Modem, Apologies for the delay
The Mack’s Additional to English Dictionary
Petarding / Petarded – Common usage: “I’ve been petarded by that song” or “that song is petarding me” (classic example “hey Mickey your so fine, your so fine, you blow my mind..hey Mickey, hey Mickey” – now try getting that outta yer head! Also “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds (theme tune to the first season of “weeds” – top-notch TV show). Linds and I were petarded by this song for weeks)
History: I once stayed at Glen’s when he was chef-ing in Hook, Hampshire. We watched a few Family Guy shows and the next day I could not get the phrase “hoisted by my own petard” out of my head. I was gardening and all I could hear going round and round was Little Stewie’s voice “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”. It quite ruined my peaceful gardening experience that afternoon, I had to get Lindsay’s old discman (yes this was pre-ipod) and purge my brain with punk.
Wow, I’ve forgotten how good it feels to re-connect with all of you. It adds pep to each and every day. Not only that, I focus on the great things that are happening in my life, this in turn makes me feel good more often than not. Have I struck upon a way of cognitively therapizing my behaviour? Hmm…If only I could think of a snappy little way of summing this up CTB? (Yeah, therapizing – not a word)
Hey the bus has only just started and we have people jumping aboard. Parp, Parp, welcome aboard Julie Zielaskiewicz and Bill Lindsay.
Last weekend we went to the folks and also on a top secret mission (well not that secret if you look at Lindsay’s status updates – but being the superstitious type I don’t wanna jinx it. I know, a guy with a degree in science who believes in un-repeatable phenomena). My dad who is the king of bargain hunts at the car boot sales (For the North Americans picture a tag sale but loadsa people all doing it out in a field (and paying for the privilege)) had snagged a coupla Micro scooters, Little G and I had great fun going up and down the hill with the aim of trying to use the brake as little as possible. It’s possible to do some tricks on those things too, no handers, jumps (Including no-footers/Indian airs), tailwhip footplants. Little G was pretty good but out of the two of us I think I had more fun.
Where do thunderflies go the rest of the time?
The Marsha Master Unit. By being installed I mean the mother-in-law has come for a visit, and what a relief! I was getting sick of the same sandwiches every day. Two slices of bread, butter, ham and if I’m lucky maybe some mayo or mustard, Wow! (That’s a sarcastic “wow” btw (and for those that don’t know btw is short for “by the way”)). I shouldn’t get so narked at my crappy sandwiches, I’m the one who makes them. But not now, Oh no! Every day a surprise, some beautifully crafted American sandwiches, multiple fillings, sometimes even multiple condiments, created by my Mom. Life at lunch is suddenly great.
And what an injection of energy she is too. I almost feel ashamed I don’t have the same amount of get-up and go as this little Duracell bunny.
Want to hear a strange theory? I can’t remember which podcast I listened to which mentioned this but I can’t stop thinking about it. Everyone knows latin is a dead language right? Not necessarily… When folk say it’s dead they mean no-one still speaks it so we don’t know how it is supposed to sound, We know how it’s written, sure. We still have clay pots that were made during the time the language was spoken. There is a chance that as the pot was being spun, the tool used actually recorded the vibrations of anyone speaking in the room at the time, kinda like a vinyl record. If we can spin the pot at the right speed we could potentially play it like a record. I don’t know why that blows my mind so much, but it does.
Some of you may remember that I was growing horns on my eyebrows and tusks out of my nose. For Christmas however I got some electric nose-hair clippers. Ever tried those suckers? Oh geez, tears stream from my eyes and for some reason I cough like a nutter. My dad always coughs when he cleans his ears out with cotton buds, what is it with us McCormacks that makes us cough when something is stuck in our cranial orifices?
Talking of my Dad, it was his birthday last week. Happy belated borthdee fatha. Julie and I sang a duet on the phone to him. I start, “Happy Birthday to you.”
I hand the phone to Julie and at exactly the right time she sings the next line and we both sing “Grand-dad”/ “Dad” at the right time too. No planning and Julie just hit it like a pro.
“What’s on your T-shirt Julie?”
“Onk, onk”
(peppa pig)
I saw a double high car carrier go around the corner the other day and I was amazed that it didn’t just fall onto the pedestrians on the path the way it was listing. Then I remembered, double-decker buses can lean up to a 70 degree angle before it topples.
I got petarded by last weeks “When the Boat comes in”. It would not leave my head, I couldn’t even flush it out with a bit of Julian Tulk band either!
Rainy day.
Julianna: “We’ll put a cloth under Mummy’s bike. We don’t want it to dwoop dwoop dwoop on the floor”
Classic!
Driving past the park the other day and I see two kids on the swing, synchronised swinging. I thought “how cute” then they both did a backflip off them!! I was flabbergasted. We only used to jump off the swings as kids. Something inside me tells me I COULD do it. The reality of it is I now feel kinda queasy when I sit on Julianna’s pirate ship and get a small push from her. What happened to me? AGE!
Hey, ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought “Geez, I’m looking old!”?? (Some of you won’t have, for example the Dempsey twins, give it time…you will, you will) consider this though: You look absolutely fabulous right now. “What? But if I look in the mirror Mack…”
Woah, Woah, Woh! Think about it, in ten years you will look at a photo of yourself now and think “hey, I didn’t look too bad then!”.
Just tap into that thought on a daily basis.
Julianna inspired to skip by Little G? yep, check the video on my facebook profile.
Is my cousin Lucy’s daughter cute as a button? Yep.
What is her favourite word? “yep” – Brilliant!
Props
Someone wrote:
“I am now an RMN..got my first patient today...Jebus help him!!!”
Jebus help him indeed!
Dominique Delany gave an ego boost:
“Hooray! Have missed your anecdotes.They so make me laugh. Welcome back x”
Welcome back you.
David Oakwood gave us a poem:
“Here is a taster from 'The Blacksmith's Son', my collection.
Wee Willy Winkie
My winkle is wrinkled
beneath the bubble bath
when in walks Dad
swaggering cock sure
digging deep in denim
to unearth a curse
that touches the bowl.
He looks down on me
with a sideways smile
and leaves unflushed.
Shivering I stand pinkly
shrivelling and drip. “
But even better than that, he gave us an alternative headrest theory:
“man driving woman to hospital. heavy with labour, baby decides to come out in transit, man stops car at the side of the road, lays wife down on the back seats but she is too uncomfortable... he removes a head rest to support her head as the baby screams its way into the world... police car passes, calls ambuulance, in all the kerfuffle the head rest falls out of the the passenger door and under vehicle.... baby is not breathing very well and so the new family is blue lighted into hospital and the police tow the car, leaving the head rest in the road...................
Baby is fine now though after a bit of oxygen and a good breast feed... they called him 'Vauxhall'.”
Konrad Bergen also had a headrest theory:
“It was a pink coloured Mini S Cooper(custom seats). The headrest was fully extended, maybe a little beyond its range. The G-force in the round-a-bout was a little more than the headrest could handle and viola! It flew out of the open window(summer time weather, older Mini, didn't have A/C) and there you have it. Not sure why it was pink.... maybe someone could elaborate a little on that one.”
One slight problem with this one though, the phrase ‘summer time weather’. This happened in England don’t forget.
Special mentions – Paula Bergen and Yogi
And a final question from Jeanne Dempsey:
“OK no mention about my sister and the fab American sandwiches for lunch!! Is she slipping! HaHa!! :)”
Rectified! See above.
Oh, I’ve rambled on far too long to go into the Challenge/Mission of the 541 THC. But there is a clue in those last three letters (not a drug reference).
Oh yeah, a reminder. If you don’t want any replies repeated in the Props section let me know when you write them otherwise you are implicitly agreeing it can be fodder.
Have a Great Week,
The Daddy Mack
New Modem, Apologies for the delay
The Mack’s Additional to English Dictionary
Petarding / Petarded – Common usage: “I’ve been petarded by that song” or “that song is petarding me” (classic example “hey Mickey your so fine, your so fine, you blow my mind..hey Mickey, hey Mickey” – now try getting that outta yer head! Also “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds (theme tune to the first season of “weeds” – top-notch TV show). Linds and I were petarded by this song for weeks)
History: I once stayed at Glen’s when he was chef-ing in Hook, Hampshire. We watched a few Family Guy shows and the next day I could not get the phrase “hoisted by my own petard” out of my head. I was gardening and all I could hear going round and round was Little Stewie’s voice “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”, “hoisted by my own petard”. It quite ruined my peaceful gardening experience that afternoon, I had to get Lindsay’s old discman (yes this was pre-ipod) and purge my brain with punk.
Blast Off!
541 THC 01 Blast Off!
It Begins Again!
Parp Parp, welcome aboard.
Many of you have been aboard the 541 already, many of you haven’t, not to worry we’ll get this old girl moving again.
The Five for One is a simple concept to grab hold of, I send out these ramblings and once you realise you have read five and not joined in on anything, it’s time to send one back. A One line reply qualifies, no reply don’t fly.
In 2008 the challenge was to get 501 replies, folk stepped up to the mark and we hit it, and even went beyond by 25 replies. Some of you are absolutely astounded by this, I know! It was quite a feat. You may feel you missed out, fear not you are included in this challenge. Let’s hit this one shall we?
Hmm…quite a build up, now I feel slightly apprehensive can we do this again?
Sure we can let’s hit this shit!
Oh, hold on a minute, I forgot to turn on the Tom McCormack Profanity Filter.
There we go.
Let’s hoop this poop.
I’ve had it for less than a week but I cannot stop playing it and it is fuelling my spraffing right now. “Shine! My Brother, My Ghost, My Brother” by the Julian Tulk Band – Wow!
Now you know how you have friends in a band and they put out something or you see them play a gig and you think they’re fairly good but the friend factor pumps it up to great? Yeah? Not with this album. I worked with Griff (the drummer) at the West Berkshire Brewery, through him I met the rest of the band (most of whom were in a great screamo punk band called Eyelessingaza) and have known them for some time.
I just cannot get enough of this album, I can’t believe I know people that produce such amazing sounds. I’ve never wanted to be a music critic so I’ll leave it at that.
I think this is my album of the year!
Listen to some of their tunes at www.myspace.com/juliantulk (It’s not what you would expect from guys who were a punk band previously – check it out, you might like it).
Julianna has been growing up at a rapid rate and even though her vocabulary increases in a seemingly exponential manner she still manages to come out with some corkers. We went to Lindsay’s 10-year University reunion at Skimore in Saratoga Springs and we were all in the same room in a guest house. We woke one morning, Julianna stretched, looked over at me and said “your snoring hurt my ears” then proceeded to do an impression of it. The sound she made was quite comical. Later I wanted her to repeat the sound for some of Linds’ friends. “Julianna, what did Daddy’s snoring sound like?”
No sound issued forth, just the following words: “a cow”.
I think I learned a valuable lesson there, my daughter is not a performing monkey.
So I guess Lindsay has learned to live with what amounts to a bronchial hippo sleeping beside her every night but there is one thing I can’t work out. What do soldiers in the field do? If you had me sleeping with you while out on operation you wouldn’t need a parabolic microphone to detect where our unit was camped. There must be people in the armed services who snore what do they do?
Brewing has been pretty hectic what more can I say? It always is. It does help having such a proficient padawan, Mr Nick Butler-Miles. He works so hard, he truly busts a gut.
(preface to the next tale: Baby Alice = Julianna’s favourite doll – formerly my sister’s daughter Little G’s)
Julianna has entered the “why” phase. Those of you who are parents may remember this or may still have this little tester to come. NO ANSWER, no matter how detailed, is capable of rendering the “why?” useless as a follow-up question.
Julianna: “I’ve brought a change of clothes for Baby Alice in case she has a wee”
Me: “Yeah, that would be bad wouldn’t it?”
Julianna: “Why?”
Me: “Because she’d get her clothes wet”
Julianna looks at me confused, turns the doll over and says:
“She has a pretend bum”
Followed by:
“She’s going to have a sleep in my…not my bum, my arms”
I was driving to work the other day and as I went around the roundabout into Purley on Thames I saw a car-seat headrest there in the road. You’re thinking how did it get there aren’t you? Me too.
Two scenarios keep playing in my head.
One: Bloke and his missus (he’s a bloke who calls her his missus too) having a raging argument she retaliates to a particularly stinging insult by pulling out her head-rest and chucking it out the window. “I don’t care, you stupid caah, you’ll get whiplash if we get shunted from behind”
Not the nicest eh? How about this though
Two: Naughty school kid slowly easing the headrest out and casually dropping it out of the window. When asked, denies any knowledge of its whereabouts.
Why would there be a headrest in the road? Someone tell me please!
One of my pleasures every day is to have Julianna, fresh out of the bath, in her pyjamas sat on my lap making my T-shirt wet from her just washed hair while I read her a book before bedtime. It’s been Winnie The Pooh for the longest time now and I’m still not bored by the stories. I enjoy doing different accents for the characters.
Pooh – a Geordie
(hey if you want a good example of a Geordie (someone from the North-East of England – particularly the Tyneside area) check out the following youtube clip, Julianna loves it www.youtube.com/watch?v=utkMQJeiK50&feature=related (Bloater, Haddock – I cannat get enough of that either))
(To the Geordie readers – I know, a little stereotypical but hey, send me a link to something better yah radgie charva’s)
Piglet – a stuttering David Sedaris (I’m not saying he stutters but when he’s Piglet he does.)
Eeyore – Nigel Planer (Neil the hippy) in the young ones (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxRdx7HMME )
Tigger – Brother Love crossed with the cat from Red Dwarf.
Rabbit – Any 1950’s Bombardier-type.
Ah, I could go on but let’s just say I probably have more fun reading it than she does listening to it.
A quick thank you for all the folk who told me they enjoyed the 541 and missed it.
Bah! I’ve run out of time. I am gonna have to detail the challenge next time. Let’s just say this – it isn’t collecting replies (but don’t think that is a get out clause – It’s The 541 for a reason) but it aint to be sniffed at –or is it?
Have a great week
The Mack Daddy
It Begins Again!
Parp Parp, welcome aboard.
Many of you have been aboard the 541 already, many of you haven’t, not to worry we’ll get this old girl moving again.
The Five for One is a simple concept to grab hold of, I send out these ramblings and once you realise you have read five and not joined in on anything, it’s time to send one back. A One line reply qualifies, no reply don’t fly.
In 2008 the challenge was to get 501 replies, folk stepped up to the mark and we hit it, and even went beyond by 25 replies. Some of you are absolutely astounded by this, I know! It was quite a feat. You may feel you missed out, fear not you are included in this challenge. Let’s hit this one shall we?
Hmm…quite a build up, now I feel slightly apprehensive can we do this again?
Sure we can let’s hit this shit!
Oh, hold on a minute, I forgot to turn on the Tom McCormack Profanity Filter.
There we go.
Let’s hoop this poop.
I’ve had it for less than a week but I cannot stop playing it and it is fuelling my spraffing right now. “Shine! My Brother, My Ghost, My Brother” by the Julian Tulk Band – Wow!
Now you know how you have friends in a band and they put out something or you see them play a gig and you think they’re fairly good but the friend factor pumps it up to great? Yeah? Not with this album. I worked with Griff (the drummer) at the West Berkshire Brewery, through him I met the rest of the band (most of whom were in a great screamo punk band called Eyelessingaza) and have known them for some time.
I just cannot get enough of this album, I can’t believe I know people that produce such amazing sounds. I’ve never wanted to be a music critic so I’ll leave it at that.
I think this is my album of the year!
Listen to some of their tunes at www.myspace.com/juliantulk (It’s not what you would expect from guys who were a punk band previously – check it out, you might like it).
Julianna has been growing up at a rapid rate and even though her vocabulary increases in a seemingly exponential manner she still manages to come out with some corkers. We went to Lindsay’s 10-year University reunion at Skimore in Saratoga Springs and we were all in the same room in a guest house. We woke one morning, Julianna stretched, looked over at me and said “your snoring hurt my ears” then proceeded to do an impression of it. The sound she made was quite comical. Later I wanted her to repeat the sound for some of Linds’ friends. “Julianna, what did Daddy’s snoring sound like?”
No sound issued forth, just the following words: “a cow”.
I think I learned a valuable lesson there, my daughter is not a performing monkey.
So I guess Lindsay has learned to live with what amounts to a bronchial hippo sleeping beside her every night but there is one thing I can’t work out. What do soldiers in the field do? If you had me sleeping with you while out on operation you wouldn’t need a parabolic microphone to detect where our unit was camped. There must be people in the armed services who snore what do they do?
Brewing has been pretty hectic what more can I say? It always is. It does help having such a proficient padawan, Mr Nick Butler-Miles. He works so hard, he truly busts a gut.
(preface to the next tale: Baby Alice = Julianna’s favourite doll – formerly my sister’s daughter Little G’s)
Julianna has entered the “why” phase. Those of you who are parents may remember this or may still have this little tester to come. NO ANSWER, no matter how detailed, is capable of rendering the “why?” useless as a follow-up question.
Julianna: “I’ve brought a change of clothes for Baby Alice in case she has a wee”
Me: “Yeah, that would be bad wouldn’t it?”
Julianna: “Why?”
Me: “Because she’d get her clothes wet”
Julianna looks at me confused, turns the doll over and says:
“She has a pretend bum”
Followed by:
“She’s going to have a sleep in my…not my bum, my arms”
I was driving to work the other day and as I went around the roundabout into Purley on Thames I saw a car-seat headrest there in the road. You’re thinking how did it get there aren’t you? Me too.
Two scenarios keep playing in my head.
One: Bloke and his missus (he’s a bloke who calls her his missus too) having a raging argument she retaliates to a particularly stinging insult by pulling out her head-rest and chucking it out the window. “I don’t care, you stupid caah, you’ll get whiplash if we get shunted from behind”
Not the nicest eh? How about this though
Two: Naughty school kid slowly easing the headrest out and casually dropping it out of the window. When asked, denies any knowledge of its whereabouts.
Why would there be a headrest in the road? Someone tell me please!
One of my pleasures every day is to have Julianna, fresh out of the bath, in her pyjamas sat on my lap making my T-shirt wet from her just washed hair while I read her a book before bedtime. It’s been Winnie The Pooh for the longest time now and I’m still not bored by the stories. I enjoy doing different accents for the characters.
Pooh – a Geordie
(hey if you want a good example of a Geordie (someone from the North-East of England – particularly the Tyneside area) check out the following youtube clip, Julianna loves it www.youtube.com/watch?v=utkMQJeiK50&feature=related (Bloater, Haddock – I cannat get enough of that either))
(To the Geordie readers – I know, a little stereotypical but hey, send me a link to something better yah radgie charva’s)
Piglet – a stuttering David Sedaris (I’m not saying he stutters but when he’s Piglet he does.)
Eeyore – Nigel Planer (Neil the hippy) in the young ones (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxRdx7HMME )
Tigger – Brother Love crossed with the cat from Red Dwarf.
Rabbit – Any 1950’s Bombardier-type.
Ah, I could go on but let’s just say I probably have more fun reading it than she does listening to it.
A quick thank you for all the folk who told me they enjoyed the 541 and missed it.
Bah! I’ve run out of time. I am gonna have to detail the challenge next time. Let’s just say this – it isn’t collecting replies (but don’t think that is a get out clause – It’s The 541 for a reason) but it aint to be sniffed at –or is it?
Have a great week
The Mack Daddy
Monday 17 August 2009
The Challenge
So I’m trying for 52 handkerchiefs, each with a different country’s flag on, and I need your help. We are going old school on this one. I haven’t even looked if it is possible to buy national flag handkerchiefs. That would be far too easy.
So there are some rules to keep this challenge true and forthright (and we all need a bit of that in this day and age don’t we?):
1) Each handkerchief has to be a representation of a single country’s national flag.
2) I cannot buy any handkerchiefs to further the collection. (How convenient eh?)
3) Any handkerchief has to be sent by someone who has been to the country whose flag it is representing OR knows someone who lives there.
4) The handkerchief does not have to be made in the country its flag is representing. (Let’s face it, chances are it’ll be made in
5) The handkerchief needs to be photographed by the sender IN the country it is representing (or by the person the sender knows in that country). All pictures (sender holding hanky and me receiving hanky) will be posted here and in an album on my facebook profile (if you are on facebook and a friend of mine).
All handkerchiefs are to be sent to:
Mack
The White Horse Brewery
Stanford-in-the-Vale
SN7 8NY
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